Nasal Gomer, Hee-chan
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: A parody of Ibolynn's 'Goman Nasai, Hee-chan.' My version is much better, obviously, because it was written by DiabolicDr.Quinn. (That name is used only for this parody) It involves Heero's teddy bear, a really cute braided pilot, and an old guy in Hong K


Hello, readers, 'tis I, DiabolicDr.Quinn (I'm only using that name for this parody, I'm a guy, and certainly not Dr. Quinn, diabolic or not). I am going to be writing a fic very soon, after this opening paragraph. It will be a parody of ibolynn's 'Gomen Nasai, Hee-chan.' Now, that fic there made me a little psychotic, but it's okay, I'm planning my revenge as we speak (That was a joke, okay? Got it? A joke, as in not serious). Anyways, I can't think of too much more to say right now, so I shall begin writing 'Nasal Gomer, Hee-chan.' Here it is... Oh, crap, I have to do that? Damn it...  
  
Title: Nasal Gomer, Hee-chan...  
Author: DiabolicDr.Quinn  
Pairing: 1x2 = 2  
Rating: A+  
Warnings: Dark. DARK. CAN'T SEE!  
Spoilers: A few orange peels and a moldy piece of bread  
Notes: This is my second time writing a parody of a deathfic. Don't kill me, if you're angry, kill ibolynn for giving me the idea for this.  
Disclaimers: Whaaaaa...? These guys aren't mine, or I wouldn't be writing this, I'd be having an orgy.  
  
The phone rang, and the apartments only occupant stood up and went to it, picking up the receiver and holding it to his ear. "Still have that cold, I see. What? You want me to fill two holes? Oh, kill Duo? Now? Hell no, I Love Luci is on! Call back in an hour. There are two episodes, THAT'S why it'll take an hour. Goodbye." One hour later, the phone rang again. "Hello? Nope, sorry, now The Jeffersons are on. Call back in an hour. Yes, two episodes. Goodbye." One hour later, the phone rang again. "Hello? No, I don't like All In The Family, I'll go kill him now." Then a voice was head from the apartment above, yelling "You aren't going anywhere, young man, it's was past your bedtime!" Theman holding the phone frowned. "Sorry, I'll have to call you back tomorrow. Bye."  
  
************  
  
Duo laughed as the clerk he had forced to give him a piggy back ride sped up, racing up and down the aisles of the local supermarket. He heard yells from a stock boy, saying "Me next!", but payed no attention, instead forcing the clerk he was riding to go faster. He chuckled to himself and grabbed the clerks crotch, causing him to come to a screeching halt. He screeched so loud, in fact, that eeryone in the supermarket grabbed at their ears and hit the ground, praying for the sound to stop. Duo hopped off the clerks back, and left him their, lying on the ground, whimpering softly, to go search for the food items he wanted. He wanted to get home before Heero finally came out of the bathroom. Heero always spent way too much time in their, and Duo never could figure out why. When Heero finally did come out, the only thing different about him was that he was carrying a makeup bag, and he had a small smear of lipstick by his lip, or sometimes he had a little bit of mascara on, or something. But Duo never could figure out what Heero did in there.  
  
Duo sighed and tossed his chestnut braid over his shoulder, and heard some woman scream as his braid hit her in the face and she fell down. He walked to the checkout line and began thinking that he wanted to make something special for Heero tonight, because that would give him an excuse to put on that frilly, pink apron that Quatre was always wearing. Oh yeah, and because it was supposed to be just the two of them. And Wufei, but Wufei was too dumb to be able to tell an elephant from a box of cereal. That's why they never let Wufei do the shopping anymore. He always came back with half of the zoo. He'd figure out a way to get Wufei to leave. Duo had it all planned out, romantic music, candlelight dinner, and a night of cakebaking. Duo pulled out his dayplanner and looked at it. No, it's 'romantic music, candlelight dinner, and a night of bveaucle.' "Damn it, it's smudged! Let's see... Oh, that's right, I was planning on having a night of lovemaking with the guy!" Duo remembered. The cashier, a man in his mid-twenties, backed as far away from Duo as he could and then rang up all of his groceries.  
  
Duo juggled the bags as he walked down the street, his eyes looking all around, and his braid bouncing around behind him, knocking several pedestrians out into the street where they met their untimely demises. He got several job offers from many different people from various different circuses when they saw him juggling the bags without spilling a single item, knocking people out into the street as he did so. He didn't notice the horrified looks of both men and women as they tried to stop his bouncing braid, but failed miserably, being knocked into the street themselves. Nor did he notice the menacing shadow lurking somewhere in Hong Kong, halfway around the world. Perhaps he should have... Then again, it probably didn't matter, 'cause that idiot that was hired to kill Duo is about as clueless as Wufei. And the guy brings home half the zoo when he goes shopping, so, come on, let's be honest, the guy isn't all that bright...  
  
The man broke away from the side of the chinese takeout box and ran around, looking for his victim. The man couldn't have been much older than the dirt he walked on, but he still managed to look young and youthful. For a dinosaur. He wore clothes that looked about as old as him, and everyone around him kept offering him millions of dollars for the antiques he was wearing. "I don't have any antiques. By the way, have any of you seen a guy with a chestnut maid, a beasts outfit, and violent eyes?" Everyone around him replied with a simple response that he couldn't understand. "What do you mean by 'that nan is a tyco?'" I see no one around that looks like a remote controlled car..." The people around him repeated what they said, and he was left wandering around, with no hope of finding his victim.  
  
A small child ran up to Duo and tossed a knife at him. In moments, the knife lay somewhere between Duo's right arm and his left, though an accurate description of it's placement could not be given. Duo's eyes widened, and he stumbled towards the safehouse, hoping that Oprah would be on soon.  
  
Once inside the safehouse, Duo made his way to the door of the room Heero was in. He pushed it open and saw Heero typing away on his laptop. "Kribbito..." He began. Heero moed the laptop to the right so that Duo could see the screen and typed 'Don't call me that.' on it. Duo was about to speak again when Heero turned around and glared at him. "Duo, Can't you wait until you've bled to death and there is nothing I can do to save you, and hours later I wander out of here and find your body and start crying and all that crap?" Duo's eyes widened. "What? You don't want to die? Okay, fine, I'll just have you wounded badly so that you have to be rushed to the hospital. Is that better? And you have to help me think of a title for it, later, too." Duo read a few lines of what was on Heero's laptop. "Nice descriptive words, Heero, but I think it could use a little bit of..." Heero shot another glare at Duo. "Alright, alright, it's perfect!" Heero nodded his head. "I thought so too. Now, go away so I can write my book."  
  
"Hi. Nasal gomer, Heero-chan..." Duo informed Heero, and Heero stood up and ran to a mirror to see what was in his nose. "I don't see anything in my nose..." Heero mumbled, and Duo crawled out the door, closing it behind him as he left. Tears fell from his eyes. "Ah-shiteroo, Heero." Heero heard Duo's words from behind the door, and said "It's the second door on the left, you should know that by now." Heero loved Duo, he just hadn't quite been able to tell him yet. He was sory that he had been so cruel to Duo, but he figured he'd make it up to him later tonight, with a game of exotic bird bingo. Or maybe just some really hot ex, whicheer Duo preferred. He knew that if it were him, he'd have a tough decision. Exotic bird bingo or really hot sex... Hmmm... Something to think about...  
  
Duo sank into the couch, turning on the tv and looking for something good to watch. He set something on the couhc next to him and grabbed something off of the couch next to the thing he had set down on the couch, making sure that the same amount of things were on the couch, even though he had put something on he couch, by taking something off to compensate for what he had put there. Then he changed the channel repeatedly, and finally turned it off afte he had discovered that Oprah wasn't on. The teas kept falling, and he thought to himself that Heero didn't really love him. The jerk... It was probably only the sex that kept him from just forgetting about Duo altogether, and oing to someone else. After all, Duo gave a pretty good blowjob... Then Duo saw the little flying saucer over his head, pouring strange thoughts into it. Duo hit the flying saucer, sending it careening out of control to the ground, where it was smashed to pieces. "Naw, Heero's gotta love me. Who couldn't? I'm too loveable for Heero not to love me." Then Duo felt a pain in his stomache, and soon after, he fell to the couch, unconcious.  
  
Heero hit the send button, turned off the computer, and ran from his and Duo's room, with the sudden sense that something was wrong. The first thing he noticed was that all the lights were off, and so he turned some of them on, but just a few, he wanted to conserve energy. Then he noticed Duo, curled up on the couch, not moing. "Duo?" He asked. "You awake?" Heero moved closer and saw nothing out of the ordinary, just Duo laying on the couch, holding his braid, and omething else that was closer to his chest. eero sat on the couch next to Duo, and immediately smelled the scent of blood. Heero's eyes widened, and he realised that something was terribly wrong. A sneaking suspicion crept up on him, and he removed Duo's braid from his hand to better see the object against his chest. Heero glanced away, hoping against all hope that he was wrong, and saw the cut on his leg. "Damn desk, must have cut me when I stood up." Heero muttered, and then looked back at Duo. "DUO, WAKE UP!" He yelled, and the braided pilot jumped up, dropping Heero's teddy bear as he did so. "You had Pooky!" Heero shouted.  
  
"Oh,shit..." Duo said as he realised that he had had Pooky. Heero never let anybody, even Duo, near Pooky. "Duo... You got some 'splainin' to do." "Waaaaaaaaaa.... I didn't mean to do it, Heery. Umm... Zechsel made me do it!" Heero glared at Duo. "Now, Duci, you know that isn't true. I want an apology." Duo apologized, and then sat down next to Heero and told him about his day. "And so then I left the supermarket, and some little kid ran up to me and threw this rubber knife at me. It somehow got tangled up in my shirt, and I couldn' get it out until I got home. I went to ask you to help me untangle it, and you got mad at me, and so I came out here, and it got untangled all by itself, and there was this flying saucer over me, tying to make me think that you didn't love me, and now I'm actually kinda starting to think that it might be true, because you've never told me you love me, and I set the rubber knife down on the couch and picked up Pooky and went to sleep, after I smashed up the flying saucer thingy. And then you woke me up and got mad at me again."  
  
Heero hugged Duo. "I do love you, Duo. I was just too scared to say anything before. I don't know why, it doesn't really make any sense, after all, you said you loved me, and apparently we've even slept together before, so I don't really understand why I didn't say anything... But, that's what happened in the original version of this fic, so... I dunno. It still doesn't make any sense."  
  
***********  
  
The call was placed about an hour later. "I'm lost somewhere in Hong Kong. Help me!" He listened for a while, and then smiled. "You're going to get me a new pony?" He asked. Then he frowned. "Oh, you're going to get me, and I'm not getting any money? I'm sorry, Real-Onna. Oh, sorry, Relena. I thought you said your name was Real-Onna. Well, anyways, I'm sorry... Get me out of here, please! Everyone keeps saying I'm a tyco!" He listened again. "Youmean they were calling me a psycho? That's not very nice..."  
  
Um... This might be continued, it might not. Depends on whether ibolynn continues the original. I shall wait until then, and when I have read the next chapter of the original, you shall be able to read the next chapter of this. Until then, review this chapter many times, and goodbye... 


End file.
